I write them in my journal (1/2)

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Upon writing this, I'm trying to remember how I first started to write in a journal, those feelings and those first times. Those memories and how glad I came across journaling.

I started out when I was 12 years old. In 2014, I found that I often love to buy stationery. Then it grew that I was even bothered about where I would keep them. I buy cute stickers, decorated craft papers and I also print pictures, then I put them in an album that I had till now. It's actually what they call scrapbooking, where you put memorabilia, souvenirs or receipts as memories in a paper. I also remember that I'm fond of watching YouTube vlogs about decorating scrapbooks.

/ 2014 scrapbook when my grandma sent me chocolates /

(Yes, I'm extremely passionate about it that I bother my grandma to buy me more stickers and she even bought me special craft scissors, papers and cute punchers and I still have them) That's one from so many reasons why I love grandma's joke, they love their grandchildren so much.

I realized that I stopped making them as much in 2016. I became busy I think back then, about school stuff or am I just procrastinating, we never know. But my ink for making art never runs out, because I am constantly drawing in notebooks and using it like a diary-ish or journal type of notebook at that time. (Yeah I'm also a child who love to diary your day)

/ 2016 journal entry / A.K.A. Don't judge me for this

Then it all began exactly, on April 21, 2017 where I received a notebook and started to decorate its cover and stuff with cut-outs from a magazine. I think this is where my journaling started to develop. As I begin to endlessly write in it, put dates and every thought, every hate I can't recall without reading them. Then boom, they just grow till I try bullet journal too and make my own Instagram account about it.

Instagram link provided:

https://www.instagram.com/tammysjournal/

/ 2017 journal /

I even invest in good quality journals and buy more decorative. I'm happy that some of them are still readable up until now.

This journaling journey of mine, I quite never expected to grow. But I think it's because I have an impression in arts and to think it's my first love and my passion. Whenever I re-read some of the writings in it, I'm always mesmerized how I manage to write so honestly and not so afraid to be viewed, nor feeling too bad about the writings in it and I can feel my innocence about certain things in the past. Journaling actually helps me so badly in coping, that even the pain from the past years when I read them felt unrecognizable. It's just how journaling and these journals become my outlet and part of my way of healing, letting-it-all-be and most especially my rest. Never know before, how powerful a pen and piece of paper can be.

/ 2017 collage entry /

Some of my high school years have been stressful and I know I'm not the only one. Stress always comes and it never knows how to relax lol. Sometimes, I always bring myself back to those stressful times and how overwhelming it is and now I read my journals and find it funny to realize that it leads me to happy ones. (Maybe embarrassing ones) I read how I react about my high school crush back when I was in 8th grade (cringe, younger me) and how I forgive someone and that, how I overthink my existence and how deep I see and feel things. How I sometimes feel so awkward about teenage things. How die-hard fan I was back then. These were all written in my journal.

In my experience, I can tell that writing in journals helps a soul to become authentic to itself and become vulnerable. To become honest about their feelings. To feel less burden and cope with whatever life throws.

/ 2017 journal entry /

To be fully present and recognize that everything will pass and it is all temporary actually. I will never know how I think then, if I did not try my pen to speak for itself. I will never know how my mind works, If not because of these papers. I'm glad that I learn how to value myself now, for I know how much growth was proven every time I read everything within these journals. I can say that these journals, they've been through a lot with me.

☆ Little Announcement: ☆

Thank you for reading till on the last words of this blog. I'm both happy and so proud of you. Yay! (Please know that this is only for Part 1.) On the next blog-post, I will try to convince you, my readers, to start journaling too. See ya!~

(All pictures included in this blog post are my personal)

2022 | L. M. | Tinta by Lianna